Confidence is often misunderstood. It’s painted as this fixed quality that some people just have, while others don’t. It can look loud, bold, assertive. It can be mistaken for arrogance, for fearlessness, or for always having the answers. But none of those things are true confidence. They’re often just performances of it. Real confidence is quieter. It’s steadier. And it comes from deep within.

In my book Self-Belief Shifting (being released later this year so if you want to get on the waiting list for info of its release click here)  I talk about what truly builds confidence. It’s not one thing. It’s a collection of things that work together to create something much more solid. It’s about understanding where your self-doubt has come from, learning how to shift your thinking, recognising your worth without relying on others to confirm it, and stepping into your life with intention.

Confidence is a balance. And when one part is missing, it wobbles. If you’re doing all the mindset work but not looking after your body or your emotions, it’s going to feel unsteady. If you’re taking bold action but haven’t built the belief underneath it, it’s going to feel forced or scary. If you’re constantly pushing forward without ever resting, it’s going to feel like burnout, not progress.

So let’s talk about what that balance really looks like, and how self-care and grounding are essential parts of building confidence that lasts.

Confidence doesn’t always look the way people expect it to. You don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room. You don’t have to walk into every situation with certainty. You don’t even have to feel ready all the time. What you do need is a foundation underneath you that says, I trust myself.

That foundation gets built slowly and deliberately. It’s in the way you speak to yourself. It’s in the way you make decisions. It’s in the way you honour your needs, even when others don’t understand them. It’s built from every moment where you choose to back yourself instead of doubting yourself.

In the book, I break this down into steps. It starts with recognising the beliefs you’re holding that tell you you’re not good enough. These beliefs might come from childhood, past relationships, society’s expectations, or difficult experiences you’ve lived through. They’re often so ingrained you don’t even notice them anymore. But they shape how you see yourself. And they absolutely shape your confidence.

Once you’ve named those beliefs, you can start to challenge them. You can ask where they came from, whether they’re still true, and what you want to believe instead. That’s how you begin to shift out of self-doubt and into self-trust.

But mindset work alone isn’t enough. Confidence isn’t just in your thoughts – it lives in your body too.

When your nervous system is in overdrive, everything feels harder. Your thoughts race. You second-guess yourself. You feel unsettled. It’s hard to feel confident when your body is in a constant state of alert.

Grounding is what brings you back into the present. It reminds you that you’re safe. It helps you settle the overwhelm and come back to yourself. It’s one of the most overlooked parts of building confidence, but it’s essential.

You can’t feel confident if you don’t feel steady. You can’t access self-belief when you’re stuck in survival mode. Grounding helps you reconnect with your body, slow everything down, and find calm in the moment.

There are so many ways to ground yourself. It might be as simple as taking four deep breaths with your feet flat on the floor. It might be going for a walk outside, placing your hands on your heart, drinking a warm drink slowly, or sitting with a journal and letting your thoughts out. It might be using movement to reconnect with your body, or stillness to hear your own voice.

The point is, grounding brings you home to yourself. And when you feel at home in yourself, confidence grows naturally.

Another vital part of the confidence puzzle is self-care. Not the surface-level kind that’s all about spa days and scented candles – though there’s nothing wrong with those. I’m talking about real, radical self-care. The kind that asks, What do I need right now? and actually listens.

When you’re constantly giving to others, overworking, ignoring your own limits, or putting yourself last, your confidence takes a hit. Why? Because your actions are reinforcing the message that you don’t matter as much. That your needs aren’t important. That your wellbeing can wait.

But you can’t build confidence from a place of lack. You need nourishment. You need rest. You need to feel seen and held – and that starts with how you treat yourself.

Self-care is everything from getting enough sleep to setting boundaries. It’s choosing foods that support your energy. It’s saying no when something doesn’t feel right. It’s protecting your time, your space, your peace. It’s letting yourself off the hook when you’re not perfect. It’s learning to speak to yourself with the same care and encouragement you give to everyone else.

When you make self-care a non-negotiable, your confidence starts to root itself more deeply. You feel more able to handle what life brings, because you’re resourced from within.

One of the biggest myths about confidence is that it means never doubting yourself. That’s simply not true. Everyone doubts themselves sometimes. Everyone has moments of fear or second-guessing. The difference is, confident people don’t let those doubts stop them.

They know that feeling uncertain doesn’t mean they’re not capable. It just means they’re stretching into something new.

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear, it’s the ability to move forward with the fear. And you can only do that if you’ve built the inner support to hold yourself through it.

That’s why it’s so important to do the deeper work. To understand your patterns. To rewrite your beliefs. To learn how to self-regulate when things feel big. To give yourself compassion instead of criticism. All of that helps you stay grounded and centred, even when you’re stepping into unknown territory.

You don’t have to be the boldest person in the room. You don’t have to push yourself to the front or always have something to prove. There’s a quiet kind of confidence that’s just as powerful, the kind that doesn’t need to shout to be heard.

That quiet confidence says:

• I know who I am
• I know what I need
• I trust my choices
• I don’t need to please everyone
• I can sit with discomfort and still move forward
• I don’t have to rush, I’m allowed to take my time

That kind of confidence is built, not born. And it’s built from all the things I talk about in Self-Belief Shifting . It’s built from knowing yourself, caring for yourself, challenging the stories that no longer serve you, and staying grounded in your own truth.

If confidence feels far away right now, I want you to know this, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s not because you’ve failed. It’s not because you’re missing something that other people have.

It’s because confidence is a practice, and sometimes you haven’t been shown how to practise it.

It’s a balance of mindset, nervous system support, self-care, emotional resilience, and action. It’s about creating safety in your body, clarity in your mind, and compassion in your heart. And it’s absolutely possible for you.

Start small. Choose one thing today that supports your confidence. One grounding moment. One self-caring action. One kind thought. One brave step. Then do it again tomorrow.

Confidence will grow from there.