The Truth About Tribes, and How the People Around You Shape Who You Become

We all know the saying, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

But let’s take it deeper.

Because if you’re someone who’s spent years shrinking yourself to fit in, keeping the peace, or feeling like the odd one out, your tribe might not be your truth.

And if you're ready to shift into a more confident, grounded, self-led version of yourself, your tribe might be the very thing holding you back.

Humans are wired for connection.
But when that connection comes with conditions, like only being accepted if you're quiet, easygoing, helpful, or the strong one, then that connection becomes a cage.

You become whoever you need to be to stay included.

You mask your needs, silence your truth, and stop being you.

And here's what happens next. You forget what you actually think, feel, want, or believe, because you’ve been too busy mirroring what everyone else expects from you.

This is especially true for those of us who are neurodiverse, sensitive to rejection, or have been in toxic relationships. We became experts in adapting. Survival meant staying connected, even when it cost us our self.

There are two kinds of tribes.

The ones that drain you and the ones that expand you.

The draining tribe might not even look toxic on the outside. It might be your family, your long-term friends, your partner, or even a workplace.

But if being around them leaves you second-guessing yourself, walking on eggshells, or constantly needing to prove your worth, it’s not healthy.

They might:

• Mock your personal growth
• Undermine your boundaries
• Expect the old version of you to keep showing up
• Feel threatened when you try to change

I remember someone from my past saying that I was a much better mum than them but the tone was in such a way that it made me feel that me being a good mum was a bad thing so I kept telling them things that I thought would make me a bad mum! Messed up huh but being in the space I was at the time I really wanted to be in their good books. 

And here’s the truth. It’s not your job to shrink to make them comfortable.

In my coaching and membership, I teach clients to understand their energy. Not just the tired or buzzing kind, but the deep internal states that show you where you’re at.

If you’re surrounded by a tribe that lives in low energy – blame, drama, control, fear, victimhood – it’s going to pull you down too.

 Low Feminine – You’ll find yourself fawning, apologising, seeking reassurance, giving too much
Low Masculine – You’ll feel reactive, overwhelmed, pushing from panic, needing to prove something

But when you’re surrounded by people who see you, hear you, and support the version of you you’re becoming, everything changes.

High Feminine becomes safe – you can relax, receive, express, allow
High Masculine becomes purposeful – you can lead, take action, and hold your power with calm

You stop pretending.
You stop performing.
You just get to be.

It can feel painful.

You might feel guilty for outgrowing people.

You might question whether you’re being selfish or disloyal.

But here’s the thing. If you’ve outgrown the relationship, staying small won’t fix it.

You don’t have to cut everyone off instantly.
But you do get to choose how much access they have to your energy, your growth, your dreams.

Start noticing:

• Who do I feel safe to be honest with?
• Who drains my energy after I’ve seen them?
• Who encourages me to play small?
• Who lights me up and reminds me who I really am?

And from there, begin to shift.

Finding the right people doesn’t always happen instantly.
But you can start becoming someone who is ready to receive that tribe.

You become magnetic when you stop hiding.

You’ll attract new connections when you speak your truth, even if your voice shakes at first.

And you’ll start seeing that you’re not the only one who thinks this way. You’re just the first one brave enough to say it out loud.

That’s why I created the Just Being Me community.
That’s why I coach.
That’s why I share content like this.

To give people like you a space where it’s safe to let go of the mask.
To be seen in your mess and your magic.
To build a tribe that reflects who you’re becoming, not who you’ve had to be.

Because that's the support I needed.

Your tribe matters.

It’s not just about who you spend time with. It’s about who gets to shape your self-belief.

Choose people who mirror your growth, not your fears.

Create relationships that allow you to breathe, not shrink.

Because you weren’t born to fit in.
You were born to belong – as your full, unfiltered self.

And if you’re looking for a tribe that celebrates that, you’ve just found one.

Join the Just Being Me community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/justbeingmejennyfield

Want deeper support? Find out about coaching https://jennyfield.co.uk/coaching-support/

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