Getting to Know Yourself (Even If You Feel Totally Disconnected Right Now)

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, I don’t even know who I am anymore?

Well you’re not broken for feeling that way and you’re not alone.

And more importantly, you’re not stuck with that feeling.

Most of the people I work with come to me because they feel like something’s missing. They’re exhausted from people-pleasing, second-guessing every decision, bending themselves into whatever version of ‘acceptable’ they think others want.

They’ve spent years (or decades) surviving toxic relationships, hiding their neurodiversity, walking on eggshells and being the strong one for everyone else.

They know how to function, but they don’t know how to feel like themselves. I know this because this was me.

So where do you start, when you’re not even sure who you are?

Let me walk you through it.

If you’ve been through trauma, toxic dynamics, or lived your life trying to keep others happy, it makes total sense that you feel disconnected from who you are.

Because you’ve been protecting yourself.

You learnt how to mask your real feelings, hold it all in, and keep the peace.

You learnt that being vulnerable wasn’t safe, so you stopped sharing. You stopped trusting. You stopped tuning in to what you need.

I want you to know that’s not a weakness. That’s survival.

But now you’re ready to shift from surviving into something more. Something real. That starts with creating safety within yourself.

One of the first things I teach in my membership and my 121 coaching is to start paying attention to what’s actually going on inside your head and to notice how your body is feeling.

Not to judge it. Not to try and fix it straight away.

Just notice.

What are the thoughts that pop up when you make a mistake?

What stories do you tell yourself when you feel rejected?

What do you say to yourself when someone asks you what you want?

This is where we find the root of your self-belief. Not in what’s happening around you, but in what your brain has been taught to expect.

A belief is just a thought you’ve practised over and over. That means you can unlearn it.

This part is powerful.

You might feel stuck, unsure, or lost because you're sitting in what I call low energy states either Low Feminine or Low Masculine

•  Low Feminine is when you’re over-apologising, people-pleasing, needing reassurance, or feeling like you have to be rescued. It’s the energy of “I’m not good enough, why bother?”
•  Low Masculine is when you’re pushing too hard, over-controlling, overthinking, acting out of fear, or needing to prove something. It’s the energy of “If I just do more, then I’ll be enough.”

Remember neither is bad. They’re just coping strategies.

But they are exhausting.

And they keep you away from who you really are.

Getting to know yourself starts by learning to shift into your higher energy states:

🌸 High Feminine is grounded, open, present, and playful. You feel safe being seen. You trust yourself.

🔥 High Masculine is focused, purposeful, and powerful. You take action from clarity, not panic.

When those two work together, you stop needing to perform. You start to feel like yourself again.

I know saying this seems easy but once you decide you want to practice doing this then the practice can begin. We never achieve perfect because we are all human but the trying is where the growth is.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

You don’t need to know your life purpose by next Tuesday.

You just need to start asking questions with compassion, not criticism.

Things like:

• What do I actually enjoy?
• What drains me?
• When do I feel most like me?
• What have I been pretending to be fine with that I’m really not?

I use a process in my membership called continued writing – it’s an NLP technique where you finish open-ended prompts and uncover what’s sitting in your subconscious. That inner voice you’ve been ignoring? She’s still in there. You just need to find how to listen to her

Getting to know yourself means unlearning the rules that never fit you in the first place.

The rules that said:

• You should always be nice
• You should be strong and never complain
• You should put others first
• You should be over it by now

All of those ‘shoulds’ they are someone else’s voice.

Let them go.

You don’t need to follow a rulebook that wasn’t written for the real you.

This bit can feel scary. But it’s where the shift happens.

Start being honest about what you want, what you don’t want, what you’ve outgrown.

Even if you don’t know what to do with that honesty yet.

Even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Getting to know yourself isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you to be someone else.

This is deep work. And you’re not meant to figure it out all by yourself.

That’s why I created spaces like my membership and 1:1 coaching, so people like you can take the mask off, feel held, and start becoming the version of yourself you’ve always felt was just out of reach.

You deserve support that helps you feel safe enough to look inward, and brave enough to step forward.

Getting to know yourself isn’t a quick fix.

It’s a practice.

It’s a coming home.

And every time you choose to pause, notice, ask, or listen… you’re doing it.

You’re reconnecting with the you underneath the coping.

And I promise you she’s worth knowing.

If this blog has struck a chord with you, I invite you to come join us in the Just Being Me community. It’s where these conversations continue, where healing happens, and where you get to be you, without apology.

 Membership details here:  https://jennyfield.co.uk/accountability-group/ 

Curious about coaching? Find out more:  https://tidycal.com/contactjustbeingme/connection 

 Start with my free self-belief checklist: https://subscribepage.io/uX4jJj

You don’t have to stay disconnected.
You’re allowed to know, love, and trust yourself again.
And it starts here.