Self doubt

Self doubt is something every single person experiences at some point. No matter how confident or accomplished someone seems on the outside, that little voice still pops up inside.

Who do you think you are?
What if you fail?
What if everyone finds out you are not as good as they think? 

The last one has always been a biggy for me. People tell me that I'm great, but because it's “just what I do” it feels as though I’m being praised for something that I haven’t had to work really hard to get! So I reframe it to think about how artists who have natural talent, singers who have naturally amazing voices, yes they have to hone their skills but it was there naturally to start with.  That's me. My natural ability is to support people to be the person they want to be. It has always been that way, and yes I’ve honed and re-honed my skills and I will continue to do so but it's still basically a natural thing that I love to do.

It doesn't matter how much experience you have or how many times you have succeeded in the past, self doubt can creep in when you least expect it. But here's the truth, self doubt is completely normal.

What really matters is how you respond to it. Do you let it stop you or do you learn to move through it?

Your brain is wired to keep you safe. That is its main job. It doesn't care about your dreams, your goals or your potential. It just wants to protect you from risk, rejection and failure.

And this is where it gets tricky, because your brain sees growth as a risk.

Taking on new challenges, stepping into new situations or putting yourself out there, all trigger your brain’s built in survival system. It starts sending you warning signals:

• What if you can't do this?
• What if people judge you?
• What if you fail and embarrass yourself?

This reaction is normal because your brain would rather keep you in the familiar, even if the familiar is making you miserable.

Most people don't recognise how much self doubt is running their lives because it doesn't always show up as an obvious “I am not good enough” thought. Instead, it disguises itself in sneaky ways:

1. Procrastination

You tell yourself you’ll start when you feel ready. But the truth is, you will never feel ready. If you wait for confidence before taking action, you will be waiting forever.

2. Perfectionism

You convince yourself that you just need more time, more practice, more research. You spend hours refining, tweaking and reworking, never actually finishing or putting yourself out there.

3. Seeking validation

You keep asking for advice, waiting for someone to tell you that you are good enough, smart enough or ready. But external validation will never be enough if you don't believe in yourself first.

4. Comparing yourself to others

You look at people who seem more successful, more confident or further ahead and think, why should I bother? But you are comparing your behind the scenes struggles to someone else’s highlight reel.

5. Playing small

You turn down opportunities, avoid challenges or hold back because deep down, you're afraid of what might happen if you put yourself out there and fail.

These are all ways self doubt keeps you stuck. But the good news? You don't have to let it.

The goal is not to eliminate self doubt completely. That's impossible. The goal is to learn how to take action even when self doubt shows up and here’s how:

1. Recognise that self doubt is not the truth

Self doubt feels real, but that doesn't make it true. It is just a thought, a reaction, a fear based response from your brain. Challenge it. Ask yourself:

• Is this self doubt based on facts or just fear?
• If my best friend was feeling this way, what would I say to them?
• What is the worst that could happen and could I handle it?

Most of the time, self doubt is just fear of discomfort. And discomfort is temporary.

2. Stop waiting for permission

No one is coming to give you a gold star and tell you that you are ready and even if they did you might believe it for a short time but not enough to take action. The only person who can give you the permission to go for what you want is you.

Instead of thinking, am I good enough? ask yourself, what would I do if I already believed I was good enough?

3. Take action before you feel ready

Confidence doesn't come first. Action comes first. You don't wait until you feel confident to take action, you build confidence by taking action.

Start before you are ready. Do the thing even when you are scared. The more you do, the more confident you will become.

4. Talk to yourself like someone you love

If a friend came to you struggling with self doubt, you wouldn't say, “Yeah, you're probably right, you shouldn't even bother trying.”

So why say that to yourself?

Try speaking to yourself the way you would speak to someone you care about. Remind yourself of your strengths. Give yourself encouragement. Celebrate your progress.

5. Focus on progress, not perfection

Perfectionism is just fear in disguise. It keeps you stuck in endless cycles of reworking, refining and hesitating.

Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for progress. Ask yourself:

• What is one small step I can take today?
• How can I learn from this, rather than fear it?
   
• What would happen if I just tried and is that true?

Every small step forward builds momentum. And momentum beats perfection every time.

The next time self doubt shows up, remember, it doesn't mean you are not capable. It means you are stepping into something bigger than you have before. It means you are stretching yourself. It means you are growing.

The people who succeed are not the ones who never doubt themselves. They are the ones who doubt themselves and take action anyway.

So the question is not will I have self doubt? The question is what will I do when it shows up?

Because self doubt does not get to decide what happens next.

You do.